Marriage life is .............

Monica married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party, Monica's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook with Rs.1000 deposit amount. Mother: 'Monica, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life. When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, themore money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Hitesh. When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'   Monica shared this with Hitesh when getting home. They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.   This was what they did after certain time:  - 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebrationfor Hitesh after marriage  - 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Monica  - 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali  - 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Monica got pregnant - 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted  ..... and so on...   However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things. They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world.... no more love... Kind of typical nowadays, huh?   One day Monica talked to her Mother:  'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'   Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'   Monica thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home.   When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.  The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Monica. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'   They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.  Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask.I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.   "When you fall, in any way, Don't see the place where you fell, Instead see the place from where you slipped. Life is about correcting mistakes."

Don't Take Tension

            Don't Take Tension  
   
   
The moment you are in TENSION 
You will lose your ATTENTION 
Then you are in total CONFUSION 
And you will feel IRRITATION 
This may spoil your personal RELATION 
Ultimately, you won't get CO-OPERATION 
And get things into COMPLICATION 
Then you will fail to take your health PRECAUTION 
And you have to take MEDICATIION 
Why not try understanding the SITUATION 
And try to think about SOLUTION 
Many problems are solved in DISCUSSION 
Which will work out better in your PROFESSION 
Dont think this is just a SUGGESTION 
It is also a PREVENTION 
If you understand my INTENTION 
You will never come again into TENSION !!!!!!!!!! 

unusual trees

A NATION OF DREAMERS…

“…I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character….” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Let us now see the crooked dreams of a few Malaysians that we have heard in our daily lives:

“I have a dream that I should look like me, and I should sound like me and it should never be me!”  V.K.Linggam

“I have a dream that I should be able to carry out all my evil plans, and my enemies will fail to notice, and I have a dream that if I am caught red-handed, I have the will to deny it!” Khir Toyo

“I have a dream that one day my son will become the prime minister of  this land, and I have a dream that the Ringgit will be pegged once and for all, by my son. I have many dreams now, since Najib will be the prime minister.” Mahathir Mohamad

“I have a dream that the speed post would be able to deliver all letters sent tomorrow, and be received by today. I have a dream that when the Hindraf 5 is released, all the people will treat me like  god. I have a dream that one day people will truly accept me as their god. I have a dream that my community will never get to nail my party’s coffin.” Samy Velu

“I have a dream that my friend Baginda will be released on lesser charges or no charge at all. I have a dream that my affair with Altantuya will be a secret forever. I have a dream that Saiful will never play my back. I have a dream to become this nation’s prime minister.” Najib Razak

“I have a dream that Raja Petra will forever remain imprisoned. I have a dream that people will forever look upon me as the descendant of the prophet. I have a dream that no Hindraf supporters will one day kill me on the street.” Syed Hamid

I have a dream that if I lose, the people will see it as a win-win situation.” Rais Yatim

“I have a dream that everyday when I sleep, I will have beautiful dreams. I have a dream that one day I will not wake up in my life. I have a dream that I want to be the modern day, sleeping beauty.” Abdullah Badawi

“My dream is shattered for now.” Khairy Jamaluddin

sources: http://sjsandteam.wordpress.com/2008/10/23/a-nation-of-dreamers/

Chinese jokes

We have deep respect for the Chinese community in Malaysia and Singapore, for their open-mindedness. It is this attitude in them that make them successful in life, apart from their hardwork.

 

Today we will feature three jokes, honouring this community to continue with this spirit embedded deep inside them.

 

GIVE ME FLY PLEASE

 

What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?

The Italian-throws the cup and walks away in a fit of rage.

The Frenchman takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.

The Chineseman - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.

The Russian - Drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.

 

CONFUSING CHINESE NAMES

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller : I’m Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It’s urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator : I’m Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!

WHY CHINESE SHOULDN’T HAVE CHRISTIAN NAMES

Anne Chang = Dirty (Mandarin)   Anne Chin = Keep Quiet (Mandarin)

Faye Chen = Dusty (Mandarin)   Carl Cheng = Buttock (Hokkien)

 

Monica Cheng =  Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)

Lucy Leow = You are dead (Hokkien)   Jane Tan = Frying eggs (Mandarin)

Suzie Leow = Lose till death (Hokkien)   Henry Mah = Hate your mum (Mandarin)

Corrine Tai = Poor fellow (Hokkien)   Paul Chan = Bankrupt (Mandarin)

Nelson Tan = Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)   Leslie Tong = Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)

Carmen Teng = Leg hair long (Hokkien)   Connie Mah = Call your mother (Cantonese)

Danny See = Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)   Rosie Teng = Screws and nails (Hokkien)

Pete Tsai = Nose droppings (Hokkien)  Macy Koh = Never die before (Cantonese)

sources: http://sjsandteam.wordpress.com/category/jokes-and-quotes/page/2/

its reality

Whenever you find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
_____

To Err is human, but to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
_____

The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
_____

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
_____

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you have ability to repay back.
_____

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.
_____

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
_____

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
_____

If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
_____

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
_____

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
_____

42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.
_____

As soon as you mention something?? If it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
_____

He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
_____

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? The bus is still late.
_____

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
_____

When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
_____

If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls.
_____

Especially for engg. Students : If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
_____

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
_____

The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
_____

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
_____

If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
_____

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
_____

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
_____

There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
_____

An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
_____

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
_____

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
_____

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
_____

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
_____

Well done is better than well said .
_____

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
_____

Where there is a WILL, there is a WAY, Where there is MONEY, there are many WAYS.
_____

Where there is MONEY, there are many FRIENDS and RELATIVES.
_____

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
_____

Santa applies for a Medical School

Have you heard of Mr. Santa applying to a medical school to become a doctor?

Needless to say he never made it. You know why?

These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - The study of the paintings

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria

Caesarean section - a district in Rome

Cardiology - advance study of poker playing

Cat scan - searching for lost kitty

Chronic - neck of a crow

Coma - punctuation mark

Cortisone - area around local court

Cyst - short for sister

Diagnosis - person with slanted nose

Dilate - the late British Princess Diana

Dislocation - in this place

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans

Enema - not a friend

Fake labour - pretending to work

Genes - blue denim

Hernia - she is close by

Impotent - distinguished/ well known

Labour pain - hurt at work

Lactose - people without toes

Lymph - walk unsteadily

Microbes - small dressing gown

Obesity - city of Obe

Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize

Proteins - in favour of teens

Pulse - grain

Pus - small cat

Red blood count - Dracula

Secretion - hiding anything

Tablet - small table

Ultrasound - radical noise

Urine - opposite of you're out

Varicose - very close

To my muslim friends... The 99 Most Beautiful Names of God -ALLAH

Arabic
↓ Transliteration
↓ Translation (can vary based on context)
↓ Qur'anic Usage
↓
1 الرحمن Ar-Rahman The All Beneficent, The Most Merciful in Essence, The Compassionate, The Most Gracious Beginning of every chapter except one, and in numerous other places
2 الرحيم Ar-Rahim The Most Merciful, The Most Merciful in Actions Beginning of every chapter except one, and in numerous other places
3 الملك Al-Malik The King, The Sovereign, The True and Ultimate King
4 القدوس Al-Quddus The Most Holy, The Most Pure, The Most Perfect 59:23, 62:1
5 السلام As-Salaam The Peace and Blessing, The Source of Peace and Safety, The Most Perfect
6 المؤمن Al-Mu'min The Guarantor, The Self Affirming, The Granter of Security, The Affirmer of Truth
7 المهيمن Al-Muhaymin The Guardian, The Preserver, The Overseeing Protector
8 العزيز Al-Aziz The Almighty, The Self Sufficient, The Most Honorable
9 الجبار Al-Jabbar The Powerful, The Irresistible, The Compeller, The Most Lofty, The Restorer/Improver of Affairs
10 المتكبر Al-Mutakabbir The Tremendous
11 الخالق Al-Khaliq The Creator
12 البارئ Al-Bari' The Rightful
13 المصور Al-Musawwir The Fashioner of Forms
14 الغفار Al-Ghaffar The Ever Forgiving
15 القهار Al-Qahhar The All Compelling Subduer
16 الوهاب Al-Wahhab The Bestower
17 الرزاق Ar-Razzaq The Ever Providing
18 الفتاح Al-Fattah The Opener, The Victory Giver
19 العليم Al-Alim The All Knowing, The Omniscient
20 القابض Al-Qabid The Restrainer, The Straightener
21 الباسط Al-Basit The Expander, The Munificent
22 الخافض Al-Khafid The Abaser
23 الرافع Ar-Rafi‘e The Exalter
24 المعز Al-Mu‘ezz The Giver of Honour
25 المذل Al-Mudhell The Giver of Dishonour
26 السميع As-Sami‘e The All Hearing
27 البصير Al-Basir The All Seeing 4:58,
28 الحكم Al-Hakam The Judge, The Arbitrator 22:69
29 العدل Al-`Adl The Utterly Just 6:115
30 اللطيف Al-Lateef The Subtly Kind
31 الخبير Al-Khabeer The All Aware
32 الحليم Al-Haleem The Forbearing, The Indulgent
33 العظيم Al-Azeem The Magnificent, The Infinite
34 الغفور Al-Ghafoor The All Forgiving
35 الشكور Ash-Shakoor The Grateful
36 العلي Al-Aliyy The Sublimely Exalted
37 الكبير Al-Kabeer The Great
38 الحفيظ Al-Hafeez The Preserver
39 المقيت Al-Muqeet The Nourisher 4:85
40 الحسيب Al-Hasib The Reckoner
41 الجليل Al-Jaleel The Majestic
42 الكريم Al-Karim The Bountiful, The Generous
43 الرقيب Ar-Raqib The Watchful
44 المجيب Al-Mujib The Responsive, The Answerer 11:61
45 الواسع Al-Wasse‘e The Vast, The All Encompassing
46 الحكيم Al-Hakeem The Wise
47 الودود Al-Wadud The Loving, The Kind One 11:90, 85:14
48 المجيد Al-Majeed The All Glorious 11:73
49 الباعث Al-Ba'ith The Raiser of The Dead 22:7
50 الشهيد Ash-Shaheed The Witness
51 الحق Al-Haqq The Truth, The Real
52 الوكيل Al-Wakeel The Trustee, The Dependable
53 القوى Al-Qawee The Strong
54 المتين Al-Mateen The Firm, The Steadfast 51:58
55 الولى Al-Walee The Protecting Friend, Patron and Helper
56 الحميد Al-Hamid The All Praiseworthy
57 المحصى Al-Muhsi The Accounter, The Numberer of All
58 المبدئ Al-Mubdi' The Producer, Originator, and Initiator of All
59 المعيد Al-Mu‘id The Reinstater Who Brings Back All
60 المحيى Al-Muhyi The Giver of Life
61 المميت Al-Mumit The Bringer of Death, The Destroyer
62 الحي Al-Hayy The Ever Living
63 القيوم Al-Qayyum The Self Subsisting Sustainer of All
64 الواجد Al-Wajid The Perceiver, The Finder, The Unfailing 38:44
65 الماجد Al-Majid The Illustrious, The Magnificent
66 الواحد Al-Wahid The One, The Unique, Manifestation of Unity
67 الاحد Al-Ahad The One, the All Inclusive, The Indivisible 112:1
68 الصمد As-Samad The Self Sufficient, The Impregnable,
The Eternally Besought of All, The Everlasting 112:2
69 القادر Al-Qadir The All Able
70 المقتدر Al-Muqtadir The All Determiner, The Dominant
71 المقدم Al-Muqaddim The Expediter, He Who Brings Forward
72 المؤخر Al-Mu'akhir The Delayer, He Who Puts Far Away 71:4
73 الأول Al-Awwal The First 57:3
74 الأخر Al-Akhir The Last 57:3
75 الظاهر Az-Zahir The Manifest, The All Victorious 57:3
76 الباطن Al-Batin The Hidden, The All Encompassing 57:3
77 الوالي Al-Waali The Patron
78 المتعالي Al-Muta'ali The Self Exalted
79 البر Al-Barr The Most Kind and Righteous
80 التواب -Tawwab The Ever Returning, Ever Relenting
81 المنتقم Al-Muntaqim The Avenger
82 العفو Al-‘Afuww The Pardoner, The Effacer of Sins
83 الرؤوف Ar-Ra'uf The Compassionate, The All Pitying
84 مالك الملك Malik-al-Mulk The Owner of All Sovereignty
85 ذو الجلال والإكرام Dhu-al-Jalali
wa-al-Ikram The Lord of Majesty and Generosity
86 المقسط Al-Muqsit The Equitable, The Requiter
87 الجامع Al-Jami‘e The Gatherer, The Unifier
88 الغني Al-Ghani The All Rich, The Independent
89 المغني Al-Mughni The Enricher, The Emancipator
90 المانع Al-Mani'e The Withholder, The Shielder, the Defender
91 الضار Ad-Darr The Distressor, The Harmer, The Afflictor
This attribute can only be found in hadith
92 النافع An-Nafi‘e The Propitious, The Benefactor
93 النور An-Nur The Light
94 الهادي Al-Hadi The Guide
95 البديع Al-Badi The Incomparable, The Originator
96 الباقي Al-Baqi The Ever Enduring and Immutable
97 الوارث Al-Warith The Heir, The Inheritor of All
98 الرشيد Ar-Rashid The Guide, Infallible Teacher and Knower
99 الصبور As-Sabur The Patient, The Timeless.

SAMY GRABBED HAMID’S COCK WHILE HAMID SCRATCHED HIS AS

Hamid ventured out and bought himself a farm-house near Samy’s house. He needed some animals for the farm and after checking with Samy, he went and enquired at a farmer’s place. The old farmer agreed to sell some animals and the two walked through the yard.

 

Hamid pointed and asked, “What kind of animal is that?”

“Well,” said the farmer, “that is a cock, which you city folks call a rooster.”
“Ok, I’ll take one of them,” said Hamid.

 

Hamid pointed to another animal, and the farmer told him, “That one is a pullet, or what you call a chicken.”  “I’ll take it,” said Hamid.

 

“You will also need a hard working animal to help you with the chores, so I’ll sell you this ass, or mule.” Hamid agreed. “The mule might give you problems being stubborn and lie down on you,” informed the farmer. “If you scratch its belly really good, the mule will  get up.” Said the farmer.

 

As Hamid is heading home, Samy is approaching towards him. All of a sudden, the mule lies down and refuses to move, probably that’s how mules behave when they see Samy. Samy hurries over and asks Hamid, if he can help.

 

“Yeah,” exclaimed Hamid, “You can grab my cock & pullet while I reach around and scratch my ass.

Samy was holding on to Hamid’s cock very tightly, wanting to prove to Hamid he can be trusted upon, in times of need. Seeing Hamid busy scratching his ass, Samy decided to play with Hamid’s cock. He began by stroking Hamid’s cock. Kissing it lovingly so that the cock does not set itself free. Hamid kept himself busy by scratching his ass.

 

All of a sudden, Hamid’s cock struggled in Samy’s tight grip, wanting to be free from Samy’s dirty hands. Samy should not have stopped kissing Hamid’s cock. The cock struggled and finally managed to escape from Samy’s tight grip.

 

Samy exclaimed loudly, “Hamid!  Your cock is going away.”

 

Hamid shouted, “Samy! Don’t stand idle, catch my cock!” Samy angrily replied, I am holding on to your pullet, can’t you see? I can’t run after it!”

 

Hamid not wanting to lose his precious cock, ran after the cock. But the cock disappeared from his sight, and poor Hamid…he lost his cock on the same day he got it!”

 

He learned his lesson not to let others play with his cock next time around. He went back to his ass to scratch it one more time.

sources: http://sjsandteam.wordpress.com/category/jokes-and-quotes/